Here's her story in her own words:
“I sat in the cold dark room at the trauma center in Las Vegas. Anxiously awaiting the news and fate of my son of 22 months of age after he tragically fell from our second story window. I knew it was not going to be good. I tried to plea with God to just make him live. I found myself unable to make a plea deal with God because I just knew in my heart that what I wanted to ask for-him living- was just not going to happen. The time had come for my babe to go home to his Maker and serve God and us on the other side. It didn't look promising but the doctors gave us an ounce of hope. But still, my heart ached as I pondered the fact that I may never hold my living, breathing, beautiful, perfect baby boy again in this life.
He was my Sunshine baby. The kind of baby that lit up this world. Or at least lit up this mothers heart in this world. I adored him, and he adored me. The Doctor came in and out for 5 hours giving us updates. Moments before the doctors last arrival, an impression was made upon us, "You must let go of me. I will be with you." And then came the knock ...knock... knock... on the door.
"I need to tell you that we did everything in our power, but there was nothing left for us to do. Your son did not make it through the surgery. He's gone." I fell into the arms of who would become some of my closest friends. This couldn't be happening. But oddly, there was a strange sense of peace and reverence and faith and strength.
The years that followed were not always so full of those strengths, contrary actually. Rather filled with weaknesses and questions of why. Hate, anger, bitterness, frustration, sadness, depression, denial were some of the waves of emotions I found myself surfing on. There was very little- to no peace in my life and heart for 4 years following the aftermath of James' death. I struggled and was on the brink of losing it mentally and spiritually. God brought me to my breaking point and I was ready to snap in half.
I laid in my bed one day as I sulked in self pity. I prayed that God would send someone to me in my time of need. Heavenly Father didn't send anyone... this time, he sent me so much more than a human, he sent me this:
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
The entire time after James' death I depended on the flesh of man to provide me strength and peace in my suffering. It was never lasting nor permanent. They could offer temporary relief, but it wasn't constant. That day I learned there is only 1 true source of permanent peace-and that source lies within our faith of our Savior and his ability to guide us through our lives and trials. He is the vessel, we are just merely passengers. God is peace. Faith is peace. Obedience is peace.”
Thank you for sharing your story, Michelle.
I invite you to visit her personal blog to get to know her better and to read more about James.
Go here to read more.